She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and
shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She
was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I
didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she
could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years
of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time,
resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so
dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to
see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had
obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the
table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast
because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so
I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything
from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as
possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and
she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how
I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our
bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to
make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought
it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce,
she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both
appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms.
His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then
to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes
and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat
upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I
drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I
could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this
woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There
were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was greying! Our marriage had taken its
toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning.
This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing
again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month
slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but
could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "all my dresses have grown
bigger. "I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why
I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him,
seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his
life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned
my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I
then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to
the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body
tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my
arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly
and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I
was afraid any delay would make me change my mind.... I walked upstairs. Dew
opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever?
She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My
marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of
our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that
since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her
until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The
salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you
out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I ran up
stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.......I cried and cried
uncontrollably and carried her for the last time from the room to the hall with
tears streaming down my face and gazing at my only son, his tears rolling from
his eyes, they made me cry even more. I had lost my love, my wife and a loving
and caring mother and nothing I could do now to put the clock backward.. I had
all the time now to look at her motionless body in detail but I knew it was going
to be only for a short while until she made her last journey to the Lord.....I
held my son and wept again and again thinking of all the things I did not do for
her when she was still alive and placed gently the flowers in her hands
with my tears trickling on them.......she was gone forever, all my tears would
not bring her back.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is
not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah.. blah.
These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in
themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things
for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you might just save a marriage.
THE TIME IS ALWAYS RIGHT TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT
Moral of the story is to value all the things we possess, once they are gone we have nothing but regrets!
Alok Tholiya (S.E.O.),
tholiya@yahoo.com
M: 9324225699/ 9819733057
www.digambarjains.com/
For Issues of Sr. citizens : http://www.karmayog.org/ngo/VNSS/
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